back to nomal again. as in i think i'm closer to god once again. it's true that if we desire god, we will really b closer with him. Thx to Mag. i really very convicted that god's real in my life. indeed, he will nv forsake me or leave me. when i was really spirtually down, he did not ignore me but sent friends around me. when i nearly fall away, he showed me something. he's just so real in my life. ytd worship, i encounter him. the relationship between us is a relationship that i don't want to lose. Honestly, i'm greedy. i don't want to be as close as him just like this only but i want more. MORE AND MORE. i nv felt this way before. i nv really desire more of him b4 but now, i will continue to walk in his footsteps and i want to finish this race. Nth's able to stop me.
really nv experience this before. i feel that something's missing when i'm serving god. i had nv feel this before. i told joleen and mag yesterday. they told me it maybe spiritual dryness. they ask me if i had joy. i don't know. joy and happiness is different. you can only get joy when you serve god. i don't think i really had the joy any more. i have a feeling that i do this is for a movtive. i also think i have pride in me. oh ya! the something i think is joy! Now, when i do QT, i don't really meet God. i think i do it for the sake of doing. i always tell people to acc to shepherd and i don't think i'm doing that. this actually to me quite a some time already. i guess is before camps. i just hope that after the camp, it'll become better. indeed, the fire in my fire did started to burn. however, few days later, it stopped. it is only few days ago that i realise something's missing. mag told me ytd. she asked me is there any unrepented sin in me. it maybe the repented sin that made me dry. she also told me, if u are willing to take a step closer to god, god will run to you. am i willing to take this steps?
Okay, now i'm going to continue to write about my second camp. This camp was called "The Ultimate Dare". It is our church's youth camp. it was another awesome camp which i think will also change my entire life. This camp was held in NUS. On the first day, we had to write our camp objectives and guessed what did sally write? One of her camp objectives was to watch jeslin's and my feet as an act of serving. When i read this, i find it funny. Thinking back, a smile just wipe across my face.=)) I dont even know why she choose jeslin and me. Both of us are not any leaders nor her caregroup people so when i know this, i was quite shocked. She told us it's real. Guess what after we reach our domitary, she went to look for us. I didn't know what happen until she told me that she wanted to wash my feet. i was really shocked that she really mean it so jeslin and i went to the toilet. We had to raise our feets high and put it in the sink. It looks awful but i was quite touched by her act. It was quite funny when she washed our feets. It's very ticklish. yupz. Oh ya, before going to our dom, we had some games. We are divided into 2 group, Republic and Empire. With this 2 groups, they are further divided to many groups. I'm in the republic 10. We played many games and the first game we played was the most memorable one. We had to eat some sort of weird things in order to get points for our group. There were things which were nice such as chocolates, cheese, sweets, lemon(which taste sweet)...and there were things which were really awful. they were things such as onion, bittergourd, wasabi, worms and a lot more. Mostly i think it was okay but i never tried eating bittergourd before. i only remember i vomited everything out when i tried and after that, i dare not ever dare to try it again. Therefore, i got this, i was shocked. Yucks. However, it was okay after that. There's other people who got something worse. Flo got wasabi, dol got chilli, liling got two- bittergourd and onion. Overall, we enjoy the games a lot. Thank God for the games com. During the night, we had a event called "Madness night". It is really a MADNESS night. The leaders had to really deny themselves to dance on stage and had to sing love song together. There's one part was where some people had to participate. They had to be blindfold to play the game and had to put their hands into a box to guess what was inside the box. Guess what, everything in the box were things such as a raw liver, raw something...except one thing which is alive- The Frog. You can see it jumping it the box and dennis wasn't afraid at all. this game really freaks me out but really enjoy it. We also gave dol a suprise and got a chance to affirm her.
The second day, we also had games and was held at west coast park. It was raining and the rain was the kind of rain which can't stop in few hours. We prayed for the rain to stop withing 45 min and god answer our prayer. i was touched as i can't really believe that god is so real and close to us. Normally, we will say " wow god so real." or "God is everywhere" but i somehow never really understand what does it mean by real or close because i didn't experience b4. all these are what people tell me. At the games, we had to be daring to face the obstancles. There's one part which i was not really being myself. i was afraid of height and there's one time, i had to jump from a quite high place onto a net. i didn't really jump but i manage to come down without using the steps and i landed on to the net safely. After overcome the obstancles, we started our war game against the empire. wow!it was really fun but god drop something to me. he let me see somethings which some people didn't really see it and he used this to tell me about forgiveness and change. Forgiveness: God told me that i should forgive that person and not bearing grudges on what he'd done. not only this, god also had change my perspective of viewing people. Maybe this i want to keep it to myself. Change: God telling me that we should change and become a better person. We should change our bad habbits and bad temper away. Dol told me, god will separate the people who are a true christ follower and who were not at the end times. We should also help our sistaz to change into a better christian. during the night, we had the J.U.M.P concert. It was so cool. The dunman people in the camp also get together and pray. I didn't realise that the group was quite big.=))
In the camp, during one alter call, a question struck me." have i really grown?"i dunno actually. sometimes i think i have, but sometimes not really. i think only people around me would know. in the teachings, i realise that i wasn't that i wasn't hungry for god as much as i was used to. something's wrong but i don't know what. i could only pray for this hunger to come again. god also reminded me what i was on earth for. Sometimes, i tend to forget this and really follow what my friends do. "it not how many people are in the church but how many will stay to the end" shirley said in one of the teachings. it really struck me. will i? will i really finish the race. honestly sometimes i find that this race was really hard and tired. but i always tell myself not to give up and i noe i won't. oh the first night, we repent together as a church. Shirley said: "sin is cancerous and if we do not repent, it will grow. We must give ourself no excuses to sin." Oh ya, forgot to say that the teachings were all in the book of Joel and is about end time revival. End time is really coming. We need to reach out. we need to be daring to reach out and must really step out of our comfort zone. We should also be the salt and light on earth.
before i leave the camp, i think god spoke to me. he said that after i leave this camp, i will face temptation. he'd roughly tell me what was it. Guess what, something really happen and is what god had told me. to me, it's my weakness because i tend to follow others. i click a website which had a video clip. it's an edited footprints story. at the end, it says something like, "after you've overcome this, you'll become stronger." i've struggle and really think of my purpose of my life and the promise i made. it really test my faith. ytd as i was reading the bible, i read this "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weaknesses."[2 Cor 12:9] isn't god with me? praise god! few quest which i should really think of:
-How am i going to grow and be hungry for god again? -Will I finish the race? -Am I going to finish the race alone? - Am i going to remain firm? -Am i still in my comfort zone?
I've made up my mind that i'll follow christ only~ Nothing will be able to change my mind.
Now back to blogging.my comp was spoilt few weeks ago but it is alright now.
After a week of camp, i'm back now. i have my first camp in JB. It was the whole church camp and was called LIFE IN THE KINGDOM. i believe you know what it mean. it is all about living in the kingdom of god. at first, i was quite reluctant to go because i had to use my ang bao money to pay for the camp but thank god, i went and i really enjoy the camp.
Firstly is because i experience love in the family of god. everyone cares for one another and i can even say "hello" to someone whom i don't even know or met before. i mean these people are from the same church as me. There's few times in the lift, me and sally will stand very still and everyone else in the lift were showing question marks on their face so me and sally will explain why we did that and that how we start to talk with others. Everyone's friendly. there's also one time where we took a very crowded lift. i had to walk out the lift so that someone inside can get out of the lift and in the end i was nearly stuck outside. that was funny! everyone laugh. i enjoyed taking lift during the JB camp. Sounds weird?? Not only this, during dinner, we'll help one another to take food instead we take our own. You can see that everyone had the act of serving. oh ya, the food was really great!
Secondly, i got to know more friends and i really get close with sally. Sally and i share a same room during the camp. oh ya, the hotel is a 5-star hotel. it was great. back to sally, she's kinda funny. although she might look fierce or having attitude, she's actually can be really fun. i got to know her better as in her character. i can say she's cute and funny. i still can remember vividly how she'll smile shyly. The first time we open our room, which is at the 13 floor, she immediately jump onto the first bed. After that, she went to draw the curtains and know what? she sreamed. she told me she saw her reflection. she didn't expect to see her reflection. that was funny. after that, we went to look for joyce. at the corridor, she heard joyce voice and guess what? she blurted out into laughter and can be really described as a bomb had exploded. she laugh until so loud just like when a bomb has exploded. i had to cover her mouth. that's funny too. after that joyce open the door to see who's outside.
Lastly God spoke to me through the teachings and through people. There's one alter call, a lady prayed for me. I somehow feel that god's using her to speak to me. I didn't know that lady. however what she prayed is what i've been through and should i say what i desire to have? as for the teachings and sermon, god told me that i can't let anything to hinder me and hold me back to "pursue to kingdom of god" (if i'm not wrong). furthermore, the pastor said that we should not delay to spread the gospel. I really think that god using the pastor to tell me this. i actually always delay to spread the gospel to friends and family. i always care how they will look at me and really afraid to face rejections. now as i'm writing this, i can feel that god's telling me that no one will never face any rejection b4 and he will b there to strengthen me. you maybe saying i'm crazy but i know i'm not. Actually as i rewrite these into the blog, i do not copy and write but thinking whether i have done it since i've come back. Actually, i'm quite "guilty". i haven't really start spreading the gospel. i'm still thinking to build a better relationship with contact first which is so so wrong! Through this camp, i've realise that my prayer life is weak. i think i really need to work on that. I 've also realise that my mind somehow dift away during worship. i cant even really focus. i do not know why. However, through this camp, i have more faith in HIM. Going to stop here. No matter what, i will finish the race.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
back to nomal again. as in i think i'm closer to god once again. it's true that if we desire god, we will really b closer with him. Thx to Mag. i really very convicted that god's real in my life. indeed, he will nv forsake me or leave me. when i was really spirtually down, he did not ignore me but sent friends around me. when i nearly fall away, he showed me something. he's just so real in my life. ytd worship, i encounter him. the relationship between us is a relationship that i don't want to lose. Honestly, i'm greedy. i don't want to be as close as him just like this only but i want more. MORE AND MORE. i nv felt this way before. i nv really desire more of him b4 but now, i will continue to walk in his footsteps and i want to finish this race. Nth's able to stop me.
Friday, June 24, 2005
really nv experience this before. i feel that something's missing when i'm serving god. i had nv feel this before. i told joleen and mag yesterday. they told me it maybe spiritual dryness. they ask me if i had joy. i don't know. joy and happiness is different. you can only get joy when you serve god. i don't think i really had the joy any more. i have a feeling that i do this is for a movtive. i also think i have pride in me. oh ya! the something i think is joy! Now, when i do QT, i don't really meet God. i think i do it for the sake of doing. i always tell people to acc to shepherd and i don't think i'm doing that. this actually to me quite a some time already. i guess is before camps. i just hope that after the camp, it'll become better. indeed, the fire in my fire did started to burn. however, few days later, it stopped. it is only few days ago that i realise something's missing. mag told me ytd. she asked me is there any unrepented sin in me. it maybe the repented sin that made me dry. she also told me, if u are willing to take a step closer to god, god will run to you. am i willing to take this steps?
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Okay, now i'm going to continue to write about my second camp. This camp was called "The Ultimate Dare". It is our church's youth camp. it was another awesome camp which i think will also change my entire life. This camp was held in NUS. On the first day, we had to write our camp objectives and guessed what did sally write? One of her camp objectives was to watch jeslin's and my feet as an act of serving. When i read this, i find it funny. Thinking back, a smile just wipe across my face.=)) I dont even know why she choose jeslin and me. Both of us are not any leaders nor her caregroup people so when i know this, i was quite shocked. She told us it's real. Guess what after we reach our domitary, she went to look for us. I didn't know what happen until she told me that she wanted to wash my feet. i was really shocked that she really mean it so jeslin and i went to the toilet. We had to raise our feets high and put it in the sink. It looks awful but i was quite touched by her act. It was quite funny when she washed our feets. It's very ticklish. yupz. Oh ya, before going to our dom, we had some games. We are divided into 2 group, Republic and Empire. With this 2 groups, they are further divided to many groups. I'm in the republic 10. We played many games and the first game we played was the most memorable one. We had to eat some sort of weird things in order to get points for our group. There were things which were nice such as chocolates, cheese, sweets, lemon(which taste sweet)...and there were things which were really awful. they were things such as onion, bittergourd, wasabi, worms and a lot more. Mostly i think it was okay but i never tried eating bittergourd before. i only remember i vomited everything out when i tried and after that, i dare not ever dare to try it again. Therefore, i got this, i was shocked. Yucks. However, it was okay after that. There's other people who got something worse. Flo got wasabi, dol got chilli, liling got two- bittergourd and onion. Overall, we enjoy the games a lot. Thank God for the games com. During the night, we had a event called "Madness night". It is really a MADNESS night. The leaders had to really deny themselves to dance on stage and had to sing love song together. There's one part was where some people had to participate. They had to be blindfold to play the game and had to put their hands into a box to guess what was inside the box. Guess what, everything in the box were things such as a raw liver, raw something...except one thing which is alive- The Frog. You can see it jumping it the box and dennis wasn't afraid at all. this game really freaks me out but really enjoy it. We also gave dol a suprise and got a chance to affirm her.
The second day, we also had games and was held at west coast park. It was raining and the rain was the kind of rain which can't stop in few hours. We prayed for the rain to stop withing 45 min and god answer our prayer. i was touched as i can't really believe that god is so real and close to us. Normally, we will say " wow god so real." or "God is everywhere" but i somehow never really understand what does it mean by real or close because i didn't experience b4. all these are what people tell me. At the games, we had to be daring to face the obstancles. There's one part which i was not really being myself. i was afraid of height and there's one time, i had to jump from a quite high place onto a net. i didn't really jump but i manage to come down without using the steps and i landed on to the net safely. After overcome the obstancles, we started our war game against the empire. wow!it was really fun but god drop something to me. he let me see somethings which some people didn't really see it and he used this to tell me about forgiveness and change. Forgiveness: God told me that i should forgive that person and not bearing grudges on what he'd done. not only this, god also had change my perspective of viewing people. Maybe this i want to keep it to myself. Change: God telling me that we should change and become a better person. We should change our bad habbits and bad temper away. Dol told me, god will separate the people who are a true christ follower and who were not at the end times. We should also help our sistaz to change into a better christian. during the night, we had the J.U.M.P concert. It was so cool. The dunman people in the camp also get together and pray. I didn't realise that the group was quite big.=))
In the camp, during one alter call, a question struck me." have i really grown?"i dunno actually. sometimes i think i have, but sometimes not really. i think only people around me would know. in the teachings, i realise that i wasn't that i wasn't hungry for god as much as i was used to. something's wrong but i don't know what. i could only pray for this hunger to come again. god also reminded me what i was on earth for. Sometimes, i tend to forget this and really follow what my friends do. "it not how many people are in the church but how many will stay to the end" shirley said in one of the teachings. it really struck me. will i? will i really finish the race. honestly sometimes i find that this race was really hard and tired. but i always tell myself not to give up and i noe i won't. oh the first night, we repent together as a church. Shirley said: "sin is cancerous and if we do not repent, it will grow. We must give ourself no excuses to sin." Oh ya, forgot to say that the teachings were all in the book of Joel and is about end time revival. End time is really coming. We need to reach out. we need to be daring to reach out and must really step out of our comfort zone. We should also be the salt and light on earth.
before i leave the camp, i think god spoke to me. he said that after i leave this camp, i will face temptation. he'd roughly tell me what was it. Guess what, something really happen and is what god had told me. to me, it's my weakness because i tend to follow others. i click a website which had a video clip. it's an edited footprints story. at the end, it says something like, "after you've overcome this, you'll become stronger." i've struggle and really think of my purpose of my life and the promise i made. it really test my faith. ytd as i was reading the bible, i read this "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weaknesses."[2 Cor 12:9] isn't god with me? praise god! few quest which i should really think of:
-How am i going to grow and be hungry for god again? -Will I finish the race? -Am I going to finish the race alone? - Am i going to remain firm? -Am i still in my comfort zone?
I've made up my mind that i'll follow christ only~ Nothing will be able to change my mind.
Now back to blogging.my comp was spoilt few weeks ago but it is alright now.
After a week of camp, i'm back now. i have my first camp in JB. It was the whole church camp and was called LIFE IN THE KINGDOM. i believe you know what it mean. it is all about living in the kingdom of god. at first, i was quite reluctant to go because i had to use my ang bao money to pay for the camp but thank god, i went and i really enjoy the camp.
Firstly is because i experience love in the family of god. everyone cares for one another and i can even say "hello" to someone whom i don't even know or met before. i mean these people are from the same church as me. There's few times in the lift, me and sally will stand very still and everyone else in the lift were showing question marks on their face so me and sally will explain why we did that and that how we start to talk with others. Everyone's friendly. there's also one time where we took a very crowded lift. i had to walk out the lift so that someone inside can get out of the lift and in the end i was nearly stuck outside. that was funny! everyone laugh. i enjoyed taking lift during the JB camp. Sounds weird?? Not only this, during dinner, we'll help one another to take food instead we take our own. You can see that everyone had the act of serving. oh ya, the food was really great!
Secondly, i got to know more friends and i really get close with sally. Sally and i share a same room during the camp. oh ya, the hotel is a 5-star hotel. it was great. back to sally, she's kinda funny. although she might look fierce or having attitude, she's actually can be really fun. i got to know her better as in her character. i can say she's cute and funny. i still can remember vividly how she'll smile shyly. The first time we open our room, which is at the 13 floor, she immediately jump onto the first bed. After that, she went to draw the curtains and know what? she sreamed. she told me she saw her reflection. she didn't expect to see her reflection. that was funny. after that, we went to look for joyce. at the corridor, she heard joyce voice and guess what? she blurted out into laughter and can be really described as a bomb had exploded. she laugh until so loud just like when a bomb has exploded. i had to cover her mouth. that's funny too. after that joyce open the door to see who's outside.
Lastly God spoke to me through the teachings and through people. There's one alter call, a lady prayed for me. I somehow feel that god's using her to speak to me. I didn't know that lady. however what she prayed is what i've been through and should i say what i desire to have? as for the teachings and sermon, god told me that i can't let anything to hinder me and hold me back to "pursue to kingdom of god" (if i'm not wrong). furthermore, the pastor said that we should not delay to spread the gospel. I really think that god using the pastor to tell me this. i actually always delay to spread the gospel to friends and family. i always care how they will look at me and really afraid to face rejections. now as i'm writing this, i can feel that god's telling me that no one will never face any rejection b4 and he will b there to strengthen me. you maybe saying i'm crazy but i know i'm not. Actually as i rewrite these into the blog, i do not copy and write but thinking whether i have done it since i've come back. Actually, i'm quite "guilty". i haven't really start spreading the gospel. i'm still thinking to build a better relationship with contact first which is so so wrong! Through this camp, i've realise that my prayer life is weak. i think i really need to work on that. I 've also realise that my mind somehow dift away during worship. i cant even really focus. i do not know why. However, through this camp, i have more faith in HIM. Going to stop here. No matter what, i will finish the race.
